zoe finkel

Happy Birthday, Pat

July 1, 2009 · Leave a Comment

My adventures in dancing continued tonight when I went to Beardley’s Swing Dancing class, for beginners at 7:00, at the Peninsula Italian American Social Club on North B street in San Mateo. Ex-West coast swing dancing champion (1983, 1985, 1990, 1992)* Phil introduced the six people in our beginner class to three of the 10 basic steps.

Phil also informed me that what I thought of as swing, was actually East Coast Swing (with my apologies to Richard Powers because I’m sure he made that clear at the time), and that, he wasn’t there to judge if it was better or worse than West Coast, which they did at Beardley’s and had been doing there for 32 years.  He, in fact, had danced (also with much success) East Coast swing before he’d, let’s just say, crossed over.  Phil was a trim man, about 5′5″, wearing a rather loud shirt with an American flag on it (that matched Ed’s, the intermediate teacher), a diamond stud in his left ear and a gold chain.  Did I mention he had raced motorcycles at one point?  He did.

Phil taught us three different steps, which we repeated a lot during the hour, until they became second nature, which is how you want dance steps to be–in the memory of the muscles.  He expertly counted out time and explained the moves.  When I was curious about how to get back to my partner after the push-back he told me, I didn’t need to worry about yet.  Not to worry.  I had a long way to go.

One of the great thing about dancing with a random group of strangers is getting into the weird and wonderful world of humans-not-yourself, or even people you would ever get to know.  People not familiar, and yet connections are made.  There’s the moment where you and some overweight sixty year old with gaps in his teeth are balancing at the perfect resistance for the push back, or the disco instructor is counting aloud with Phil, or Neil, who is more advanced and just subbed in for a minute, moves his hips in such a way that you, eureka, realize the reason of those extra three beats and stomps in place.  And all the women are wearing anklets, something you were just thinking about for yourself.

The space was a large, low ceilinged hall with both painted beams in squares and that cheap office-building style checkerboard ceiling, in the centers of the squares.  A chandelier, hanging  in the center was covered in plastic. The feeling was warm (although the air condition was blasting) and friendly and as people started to fill up the large space for the nine o’clock dance party, you could see there was a real old school community here.

I had noticed when I came in a very old man in a red shirt and black pants with a patch over one eye.  He was very slight, and he sat waiting with us before the class began.  A short way into the dance party, where us beginners practiced our few known steps with the variously more advanced group, the music stopped and Phil announced that it was Pat’s 92nd birthday and that you could find him at most of the Wednesday night swing parties.  They wheeled out a cake with candles which Pat couldn’t blow out by himself.  Holding the hand of a woman, Pat limped out to the middle of the now empty dance floor and the music started.  It was jazzy version of Happy Birthday and Pat began to dance–graceful of body and joyous of spirit–as woman after woman cut in and danced with him.

It was five minutes of sweet celebration.  And all the things you might say about community, life, friendship, or the power of dance were silenced by a man, in a red shirt, getting loose, twirling his partner on the dance floor, and bending a now nimble knee in time with the music.

* I may not have remembered these championship dates exactly right.

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“code monkey not crazy, just proud…”

May 15, 2009 · Leave a Comment

To atone for my long absence, I humbly offer you the Code Monkey Dance to make your day.

What a cutie!  This is what I call commitment (key to most things).

Her youtube quote is :

“Work like you don’t need the money, love like your heart has never been broken, and dance like no one is watching.”  ((Aurora Greenway))

You can learn more about Emily here!

Jonathan Coulton, author of Code Monkey, is here!

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as it was in the beginning, so shall it be in the end.

April 12, 2009 · Leave a Comment

For your Sunday night listening pleasure.

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The Fairy Tale Ending; the beginning of the end?

March 3, 2009 · Leave a Comment

bachelor

I have to confess, I have wasted somewhere around 12+ hours watching The Bachelor this season on ABC.  Why? Well, good question.

Ostensibly, the show is about watching one man search through 25 “beautiful” (which really starts to make you question the meaning of that word) women, to find true love ending in the ever lusted after “proposal.”  At least that’s what the women lust after: their fairy tale ending.

This phrase is batted around The Bachelor with careless and casual abandon, almost exclusively by the women. Often through tears in the back of limo after being “sent home.”  Noticeably, many of the women on that mournful journey say the same things:  Why is this happening to them?  Why are they getting rejected?  What’s wrong with them? When is their time going to come?  Where is their fairy tale ending?

Endings are important, and we do like the good ones. Kind of. The show ends with the chosen woman finally getting to hear the Bachelor confess his love.  Ahh, it could be us.  But part of the appeal of the Bachelor is not only the so called happy ending, it’s the recognition that all of us, no matter how beautiful still get rejected, and it just so happens, it is kind of about our failings.  We’re boring, we’re self-absorbed, we’re dull, we lack talent, humor, the willingness to go bungy jumping in New Zeland, and frankly, we don’t look that good in a bikini.  But even if we did all those things, even if we were that “beautiful” the Bachelor would still probably reject us. Statistically speaking.

It was a happy moment for Melissa when Jason Meznik chose her at the end of this season’s show.  She finally got her fairly tale ending.  Until six weeks later when Jason, ambivalent and weepy, unable to find the, well, balls to either “fight for the relationship” with Melissa or forget about Molly broke up with Melissa on national TV.

The most hated Bachelor in television history, the tabloids claimed the next day.  You’re a bastard, said Melissa during the breakup, in a moment of utter candor.

Ryan and Tristan are a still married couple from an early season (maybe the first) of The Bachelorette.  ”I got my fairy tale ending,” said Tristan, barely finishing the sentence before her husband cut her off.

“Well,” he said, “the end of the show was really the beginning of our real relationship.  We have to work to make it work.”

Melissa’s fairy tale ending ended as most fairy tales do, at the beginning of something real and something tough. Unfortunately for her, she was trying to do the work with a guy who didn’t have it in him.  And “he’s making a big mistake” Molly, of the big beautiful eyes and the shocked smile when Jason asked for her back; Molly won’t put up with his bull for long, I suspect.  ”What about Melissa,” she asked with a shake of her head.

The best endings resonate in ways that both satisfy and satiate.  They find that illusive spot and tug.  There is usually little of fairy tale about them.  And endings, at least for the characters living them, are the beginnings of something else and thank goodness for that.

In the limo, on her final tearful ride home, Melissa said, “I don’t understand why this happened, but I’m sure that someday, I’ll be able to look back and I’ll say, okay I see why this happened to me.”

It turns out that tonight, there is an After The Final Rose part 2, where we get to check in with Jason and Molly. What happened? Did Molly take him back?  Did they rekindle their love?

How does it end?  I won’t be watching.

Note:  Quotes from the show are paraphrased to give the gist but are not exact.

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listening to: heartbreak (stories)

February 20, 2009 · Leave a Comment

#1

#2

and #3 and not necessarily in this order. (I just can’t get this one out of my mind, but I don’t even remember EVER seeing the video.)

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the truth or something like that

February 16, 2009 · 1 Comment

dscf03001

Human beings seem to have some intuition for knowing when things are right, a certain feeling of truth and resonance.  It’s the same in fictional stories, when it all adds up and satisfies at the end, and conversely when you hear a story, you often know when something is missing.  Sometimes, you don’t even know that you know, but will guess as some obvious marker, and rewarded later by learning the truth.   These principles hold true in the stories of lives, equally, and the “ah moment” is equivalent in both.

I was thinking about the scientific principle Occam’s razor which, paraphrased somewhat incorrectly says, the simplest answer is usually the correct one, but it’s more accurately explained: “When multiple competing hypotheses are equal in other respects, the principle recommends selecting the hypothesis that introduces the fewest assumptions and postulates the fewest entities.”

Thus, Occam’s razor doesn’t exactly speak to the stories of human’s life, which are not necessarily simple (or are they) and yet, when revealed accurately, make absolute sense to us (and perhaps this is only some sort of pattern recognition, but those patterns seem to be repeated and repeated so that a story like The Iliad, and the conflicts within, ring perfectly true to us today, thousands of years later.)

All this is to say, that late last night a friend called to tell me the truth about something he’d been keeping from me.  And not knowing wasn’t bothering me (because I wasn’t thinking I didn’t know something), but knowing still comes as a huge relief, like a coming up for air breath, like an ahhhh at the end of a compelling story.

This gets me thinking about mysteries, and how much we really like them.  A woman isn’t supposed to lose too much of her mystery, and granted they do keep us on the edge of our seats, but I wonder how much better (or worse) it is just to know.

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Cake Time ‘09

January 29, 2009 · Leave a Comment

It’s time again to be thinking about cakes and, specifically, birthday cake number 3 for M’s birthday.

Number 1 was:

My favorite yellow cake (with white wine) from the New Basics.  It had an internal strawberry layer and cream cheese frosting.

M's birthday cake # 1

Number 2 was:

Yellow cake (from Cook’s) with a pastry cream layer (Tartine) and a chocolate cream cheese frosting.  The decorative writing is in plain cream cheese frosting.

M's birthday cake #2

I also made dark chocolate cupcakes for her school (not picutred).  Each had a raspberry cooked into the center and cream cheese frosting and turbano sugar sprinkled on top.

If you’re wondcring about the extra candle on each cake, it’s for luck.

And since you can see, I’m use the cream cheese frosting a lot! I tend to like the taste better than a straight butter cream. Here’s my favorite recipe.   Yes, it has both lemon juice and vanilla.

Cream Cheese Frosting:

Mix in a kitchen aid:

8 oz. cream cheese, room temp.

5 oz. butter, room temp.

Add:

approx 1-1 1/2 cup powdered sugar, pref. sifted (I do sugar to taste)

1/2 ts. vanilla

lemon juice, fresh

1 Tb. sour cream

Addendum:

So despite the fact that M originally said she wanted cherry cake, I made these chocolate graham cracker cupcakes with a milk chocolate frosting.

dscf0436

Someone said, “These are the best cupcakes I’ve ever had in my life.”  And I was very satisfied with that.  Will post the adapted recipe shortly. (It has a graham cracker bottom, a layer of melted chocolate and then the cupcake batter.)  The interior chocolate was Callebaut which I consistently like and the frosting chocolate (mixed into the above cream cheese frosting recipe) was 33 % Valrhona–also excellent.

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Hey! Let sleeping dogs lie

January 29, 2009 · Leave a Comment

sleeping dog 1

sleeping dog 2

sleeping doll 1

And sleeping dolls.  When you come across them.

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Dude Fude – ChocolateChipCookies

November 30, 2008 · 1 Comment

This picture doesn't do them justice

Most recipes for CCC are basically the same, especially if you eliminate the ones that use shortening or margarine, which as you know, I always do.  If you’re not going to use butter (and the highest quality butter you can find) I need to convince you to do so.

That being said, I’m going to tell you the four secrets of knock-your-socks-off CCC.  Like many other interesting things in life, raising something above the level of adequate requires altering the temp, chemistry and consistency as you move through the process, and a v. simple process it is.

Secrets revealed:

1.  Mix butter and sugar on high for 4 minutes.  It becomes the most satisfying light colored fluffy mix.

2.  Toast the pecans.  I do this in my toaster over on the small tray on a light toast–straight from the freeze.  This is huge.

3.  Really good chocolate (this goes back to my use the best ingredients credo, but I’m repeating it.  Currently, I’m using a brand of chocolate bar called Theo (made in Seattle).  It’s really, really good and I like having the thin, irregular chunks.  Chocolate chips, at this point, seem like spam.

4. Put the batter into the fridge for 36 hours before baking.  (I haven’t done this yet, but I usually wait a day).  I refer you to the NYTimes article on this subject.  They also have a thing about cookie size, which I am currently disregarding (but haven’t yet tried).  The reason to do this is that the butter gets hard before it goes into the open so it cooks before it has time to spread.  Thus, these cookies are thicker but still soft.  Eureka!

So… here’s the actual recipe.  I mix things in the following order which both expedites the process and mixes the flour the least possible amount.

Begin:

1/2 cup butter into the bowl of a Kitchen Aid, if you don’t have one, I reluctantly offer an electric mixer instead.

Add 3/4 of a cup of sugar, I do equal parts brown and white.

Mix this for 4 or 5 minutes.  It alters into the lightest butter/sugar mixture ever.  It’s v. soft.

the pre batter batter

to this add

1 egg and 1/2 teaspoon vanilla.  Mix ‘er up again.  Scrape down sides, mix again.

Then add 1 1/8 cup of white flour

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

(it’s so beautifully simple)

Mix until all the flour is just barely absorbed (once you’ve added flour, you want to mix as little as possible

beauty shot

beauty shot

Add 1/2 cup toasted pecans (give or take) and 1 cup chopped up chocolate.  Mix just a little more.

Taste with spoon.  Feel v. happy.  Put in fridge for 24-36 hours.

I made about 12 cookies from this but you could fewer bigger ones.

Preheat oven to 375 and cook 8-10 minutes.

Notice that the cooked cookies aren’t quite as good as the raw batter.  Think this over.  Taste cookies the next day.  Realize they are now as good as the cookie dough.   Marvel at this.

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Tracy, We Hardly Knew Ye

October 5, 2008 · 2 Comments

In life, it’s natural to try to avoid pain and suffering. That makes intuitive sense and yet, what a boring story that would be.  Obstacles, difficulties, trauma, these are essential parts of interesting stories.  We like to see how those things can be overcome or dealt with by our favorite protagonists.  And then we like to relate. Or feel superior, or grateful.

Failure, too.  If you’re like me, you try to avoid failing as if it were warm gum on the sidewalk.  But it turns out that the most successful people are those who see failure as a chance to learn something, try again, or become successful.  They don’t say to themselves: you miserable idiot, you’ve messed that up pretty badly. They say: hey, I see I really need to improve on this, and now I know how!  And then they do.  They welcome failure.

And as of last night, so do I.

I consider myself a good dancer.  I took ballet and various modern/jazz as a I kid.  I have, what you could call, natural rhythm.  In high school, I learned how to swing dance and I’ve never forgotten it.  Several months ago, I took a swing dance class with Richard Powers amidst the fading southern light, worn wooden floors and airy old locker rooms of Stanford’s Roble Studio.  Richard is the intellectual’s dance teacher.  He’s got history, he’s got knowledge, and he’s got a smooth step. At Stanford, so hungry are the students for dance partners that men will dance with men, which for me, conjured up images of what I imagine Yale must have been like before it went coed.  Time reversed.

A couple months ago, I took a two hour waltz lesson at Friday Night Waltz (FNW) in Palo Alto, and fell in love. There is possibly nothing more romantic that waltzing, and like very few other things in life, it doesn’t even matter who you’re dancing with as long as he can lead.  Waltzing engages the brain and body with life and on every level, physical, spiritual, emotional, intellectual; it’s transcendent, also like very few things in life. It’s the story of your life, as avidly and heartwrenchingly as you could ever tell it, all without words.

Last night, I went back to FNW.  Set in a church gymnasium, the most motley of motley of crews: students, scientist and engineers and the like, all of whom, improbably, know how to dance.  There’s something about a guy in the old cliched high water pants and thick glasses who can turn you on the dance floor that really boggles the mind.

Richard was teaching, so the class was crowded.  He started it promptly on time, as is his way. He taught, for beginners, the Grand Polonaise, Irish Kerry Polka Sets, 5/4 dances, Waltz Swing and Salty Dog Rag. Then he said, if you know the waltz, you can stay up here where we will be learning pivots, or if you’re a beginner, go downstairs to learn the polka.  In fact, in this email he had written, “The Canter Pivot class will probably start at 8:10.  Canter Pivots are full 360 pivots done in a 3-count waltz measure.  The art and skill lies in leading and following them.  Pre-requirement: knowing how to do a Rotary Waltz or clockwise Viennese waltz.  If you don’t, you can move to Tom’s introductory class.”

But I wanted to learn Canter Pivots and hadn’t I taken that beginning waltz class just a few months ago?  I had.  So I stayed and needless to say, I could not, for the life of me, figure out how to dance the pivots.  I really could only barely remember the proper waltz let alone the Viennese version.  It wasn’t only that I couldn’t dance them (which, because I was following, I though I might be able to do) it was that I couldn’t even figure out what was going on.  Even the basic mechanisms eluded me and I spent a good deal of the evening apologising to my partners and feeling more and more like a failure, and a pathetic one at that. How did all these people know how to do this?  And if I didn’t feel useless enough, there was Tracy.

Tracy Powers is Richard Powers’ younger and astonishingly beautiful wife who rarely smiles.  She’s got dark, soft-looking features, and a dancer’s aloofness.  It’s hard, when you watch them demonstrate together, not to imagine her as his student bewitching him into abandoning whatever life he had to travel around the world teaching dance with her, which they now do.  Maybe it’s the look in her eye as she watches him talk, seemlessly adjusting her body to make whatever point he’s explaining.  She’s a difficult person not to watch, and she moves with the effortlessness that years of training and hard work can provide.  And yet, she never smiles, which makes her even more achingly compelling.  I imagine her, a lonely and distant child, with the same swollen lips and lilting step.  When I danced with her last night (which sometimes happens in between lessons for a brief moment if there aren’t enough partners), she was still completely unsmiling, looking me right in the eye, and yet, the perfect lead–the only person I danced with all night who kept their carriage firm and supportive, and all without seeming to work at it.

Which only deepened my feelings of cataclismic failure.  Why hadn’t I just gone downstairs with the other beginners?  Why have I not dedicated every spare childhood moment to dancing so that I too could spin gracefully around the floor, swept by various men of science often several inches short than I?

I knew not.

And so, this morning, I am resolved not to feel bad or embarrassed about my performance last night, ashamed to ever show my face in the FNW gym again, but resolved to find the time, to spend the energy, to learn the waltz, and to know the feeling of turning on the floor in a pivot, counter pivot.  I have not failed; I have seen the path which I now know I must travel.  Richard said the waltz is his favorite dance, explaining how it felt to move with another person in a weight balanced spin.  He didn’t use the word perfection, but we all knew what he meant. Women love to spin, he said to a classroom laugh, and Tracy just watched him without nodding.

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